I got a letter from a reader

Tom needs some help

Should he and his wife move to the Philippines?

I recently received an email from a friend named Tom. Tom and I had never met, but he was a reader of my LiveInThePhilippines website. Tom is in his 40s, married to a Filipina, and has two young kids.

When I moved to the Philippines I was 38 years old, married to a Filipina, and had 3 kids ranging in age from 1 month old up to 8 years old.

Tom had some questions that he wanted to ask me:

I’ve dreamed of moving to the Philippines ever since making my first trip there over 15 years ago. The Philippines is far from perfect, but something still draws me there. Since you have been there and done that, I wondered if I could get your thoughts on the wisdom of moving to the Philippines today with a young family.

Hi Tom. I am happy to give you my advice, given that your situation is very, very similar to where I was when I decided to move to the Philippines.

My wife and I are approaching the point where we could make it work financially.

Most people who decide to move to the Philippines are in their 60s, 70s or higher, Tom. There are not a lot of people who make such a move when their kids are young, and they are still living an active life. However, I’ve been there and done that, and I think it was the perfect decision. Our life in the Philippines was really great, I have absolutely no regrets, except possibly that we decided to return to the US.

I have 3 major concerns:

1. I don’t want to limit my children’s options in life, recognizing that the job market is difficult in the Philippines and the education system often isn’t up to the western standard.

When considering making a move to the Philippines, I don’t consider that to be limiting my kids’ options, I consider it expanding their options. That is what it became for my kids. Having lived in the United States, moving to and living in the Philippines, growing up to the point where they could make their own decision about where to live and what opportunities they want to pursue, they now have many more options compared to if they had lived and grew up in one single place. Each change in their lives provided more experience, more choices, and generally it made them more well rounded individuals.

In regards to the education system, I thought similar to you until I moved to the Philippines. If you plan to send your kids to a public school, or a low end private school, your thoughts are very much correct, and I would also be concerned in that spot. We sent our kids to Ateneo (a high ranking private school that has branches in many locations around the Philippines). It is one of the higher end schools in the Philippines. Our boys went to Ateneo starting in pre-school and all the way through High School. They received an excellent education. In many/most ways they have shown themselves to be much better educated than their American counterparts here in the US. One of my sons is in College now to study Mechanical Engineering. He tells me that the stuff he is learning in college is what he learned in High School in the Philippines. So, I would not say the Philippine schools are behind, if anything they are ahead of US Schools. Having never lived in Canada, I cant make that comparison, but would think that the Canadian and US schools are probably on par with each other.

Here is something else to think about. In terms of your children who are young now, when they become old enough that they need to make a living, they can choose where they want to live for that. These days you can make a living anywhere in the world no matter where you happen to live. I am a prime example of that. When I lived in the Philippines for 20 years, I made my living in the USA, through the Internet. In the early days of my life in the Philippines it was unheard of to make a living through the internet, but I figured out how to do it. I became a sort of pioneer in that respect, and to be honest, I made more income during my years of living in the Philippines compared to now when I am living in the USA. Your kids can do that too.

Here is another example looking at my kids

In 2017, one of my sons, Aaron, decided to come to the States for an extended visit. He wanted to spend time with my Mom, to rekindle their relationship in person. When he came to the States he kicked off his work life, and he did very well. He worked in Alaska for 2 years. When he was finished with his Alaska job, he did not want to go back to the Philippines so he moved to Atlanta (3,000 miles from where my mother lived), got a job, and started his new life there. I would say that he made a good life for himself here in the States. We (Feyma, Myself, and our son Chris) moved back to the USA in 2019. Aaron and Jared had already been living in the USA for a couple of years. Your kids can do the same. They could move back to Canada, to the USA, or anywhere else where they find opportunity.

Personally, I think that the fact that we moved to the Philippines (or anywhere else around the world) during their childhood gave them the courage to take advantage of opportunity wherever they found it. They saw that we did that and it worked out well for us, so why not give it a try themselves. Just because your kids might grow up in the Philippines, that does not limit where they can go to succeed in life themselves. In fact, I would argue that it gives them the courage to forge their own path, and follow opportunity where it leads them.

2. Weather patterns seem to be getting more extreme, and the Philippines may be subject to more extreme heat, stronger typhoons, flooding, etc., during my kids’ lifetime. This month, classes have been cancelled in some areas of the country due to extreme heat.

When thinking about the weather, I would not be too concerned. In ways the weather has indeed become more extreme, but I think that is probably a cyclical thing. Weather will become more extreme, then become less extreme over time, and keep following that pattern. I think that if you look back over history you will probably see that pattern.

3. The geopolitical situation with China is worrying. The Philippines will be too close for comfort if China decides to invade Taiwan.

I totally agree with you on that. However, one major factor to consider is that the Philippines is strongly allied with the USA, and I would probably say Canada as well. With powerful allies backing up the Philippines, China would be careful about causing problems that would unsettle the balance of power in my view. I will say this, though, we are living in strange times and anything is possible. I would love to move back to the Philippines myself, though, and China would not be a concern to me.

Let me finish, Tom, by telling you a little story regarding some things that I have been hearing from my sons.

After my two youngest boys lived in Atlanta for a couple of years they moved up to Indiana, to the same town where Feyma, Chris, and I live. We have had a chance to spend plenty of time with each of our three sons. Aaron, and Jared, the two youngest boys (I should say men now) talked over and over again about how much they “hated the Philippines” and wished we had never lived there. This went on for several years. I never argued with them about it, they had a right to their own opinion, and on some of the points they made, they were probably right (no place is perfect). This was a common discussion when we were together, and that’s fine.

In the last few months, though, I have been hearing a different tune from each of these young men. It all started a year or so ago, I guess. Each of these young men is engaged. Aaron is engaged to a Korean girl, and Jared is engaged to a girl who is half Japanese and half American. Notice that their experience of living in Asia seems to be playing a role in their choice. 🙂 A while back, each of these guys, individually told me that when they get married they want to have their honeymoon in the Philippines.

I asked each of them…

If you hate the Philippines so much, why would you want to have a honeymoon there?

The response from each was similar. They said that they don’t hate the Philippines anymore. They have come to appreciate the Philippines a lot after being away for 6 or 7 years. My boys love it if Feyma prepares of purchases some Filipino food and shares it with them, they consider getting Filipino food to be a real treat. Generally, they are not, from what I can tell, unhappy about the fact that the Philippines was a big part of their lives.

I know that for me, I love the Philippines, and am so happy that the Philippines played a big, huge role in my life. If I had not moved to the Philippines and lived there for so long, I would be a different person than I am now. A much worse person.

I hope my thoughts have helped you, Tom, in making a very important decision. A decision that will affect the lives of each person in your family.

If you move there and you don’t like it, there are planes flying back to Canada daily, and there is no shame in deciding the decision you made about moving was not the right one.

Just one more thing to consider, Tom.

When Feyma and I decided to make the move, we made an agreement with each other. We knew that we would have to make adjustments to a new life, and that would take time. We agreed that no matter how much we didn’t like living in the Philippines, we had to stay for 5 years in order to give time to adjust. After 2 weeks Feyma told me that she didn’t like it and wanted to move back to the USA. I told her that she had agreed to stay 5 years, and that if she wanted to move back to the States so quickly, she was welcome to do so, but I would not be coming with her. She thought about it and said she would try it for 5 years. When 5 years had passed, I said to her… “well?” She didn’t know what I was talking about. I told her it had been 5 years, and asked if she wanted to move back to the USA. She said “no, I love it here.”

Give your move time. You have to adjust.